Parenting As a Team

One of the great challenges of marriage is to become “one flesh” as God promises we can.

Genesis 2:24:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

This means that we become like-minded and spiritually unified as a married couple. It also includes the physical relationship in marriage, which can produce children. This “one flesh” is called a “great mystery” in Ephesians 5:32. Is a deeply spiritual, mental, and physical relationship.

When children come along, the need for spiritual unity is even greater in raising them the way God would have us to. How can we guard this spiritual unity in marriage? Paul also wrote to the Ephesians about four simple steps to keep our spiritual unity.

Ephesians 4:2,3:
With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;
Endeavouring [giving your best effort with the time you have] to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

To stay unified we begin by being lowly, realizing we need each other and God to succeed.  Next, we are meek and coachable—we are willing to work together and learn from each other. Once we realize that we need help and are willing to accept it, we can be “longsuffering” or patient. Our spouse will not always be fast or perfect as we work together in raising children. But we can believe the best of them and patiently work through weaknesses and problems. Finally, we “forbear” or lift up each other with God’s love as our motivation. That guards the spiritual unity we have in Christ and builds a “bond” of peaceful teamwork.

Parenting Together “With” Each Other

Team parenting is all about agreement. We agree with God and His Word, and then we can agree with each other. Jesus said this will open the windows of heaven for the Father to help us!

Matthew 18:19:
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree [sumphōneō] on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

The Greek word for “shall agree” gives us our word “symphony.” We make the same sound, we speak the same thing—and then God can bring it to pass. That is such a great key to successful parenting. Children may try to “split up” parents so they can “divide and conquer” to get their own way. As parents, we must stay in agreement on the standards we expect for our children.

When we talk about “team” parenting, it brings to mind athletics. Paul used a sports analogy when he wrote to the Roman church. As born-again believers we are on the same spiritual team and can “strive together” in the competition of life.

Romans 15:30:
Now I beseech you, brethren, for the Lord Jesus Christ’s sake, and for the love of the Spirit, that ye strive together [sunagōnizomai] with me in your prayers to God for me.

This Greek word, sunagōnizomai, comes from sun [with] and agōnizomai [to give your all, as in our English word “agony”]. We are to work together and give all that we have to see our children blessed and cared for. We stay like-minded and work as a team. Paul made this point very clear when encouraging the Philippian believers.

Philippians 1:27:
Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together [sunathleō ] for the faith of the gospel.

As believing parents, we can stand fast together spiritually, having “one mind” on God’s will for our family, and striving together like athletes. The Greek word, sunathleō, comes from sun [with] and athleō [to be an athlete]. We really are team players with God as we parent our children. Did you know that we are co-workers with God?

2 Corinthians 6:1:
We then, as workers together [sunergeō] with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.

This Greek word, sunergeō, comes from sun [with] and ergeō [to work, as in our English word “energy”].

God will “confirm” our work as parents, because we have “Christ in” us. We are filled with God’s spirit and the Lord works with us.

Mark 16:20:
And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with [sunergeō] them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.

Our Team Goal

In any sport or endeavor, we have goals to achieve. God makes our responsibilities as parents clear and simple.

Ephesians 6:4:
And, ye fathers [parents], provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture [paideia, training a child in what is right] and admonition [nouthesia, warning to avoid evil] of the Lord.

As a married couple we work as a team to do two main things: show children WHAT to do, and help them avoid WHAT NOT to do. Training children in the scriptures allows them to know what to do.

2 Timothy 3:16:
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction [paideia, training a child in what is right] in righteousness.

God’s Word allows us to teach our children what is write, and to “course correct” their application, much like a helmsman corrects a ship that wanders off course. Teaching also includes “reproof” to make little “fixes” and “correction” when our children don’t understand what to do or refuse to do it.

Hebrews 12:5,11:
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening [nouthesia, warning to avoid evil] of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him.
Now no chastening [nouthesia, warning to avoid evil] for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

That’s why we must learn the balance of discipline and love. Kids can get discouraged if it is “all truth and no play.” We don’t want to push them so far that they get angry.

Colossians 3:21:
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Children need to be warned against the evil in this world. We protect them where they can’t protect themselves. And we help them grow into being able to stand against evil spiritual forces themselves. Being warned never seem joyous, but grievous or “hard to take.” Yet, it is worth it! It brings results of peace and righteousness as children exercise our godly instruction

Again, God’s Word is the greatest source of genuine admonition.

1 Corinthians 10:11:
Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition [nouthesia, warning to avoid evil], upon whom the ends of the world are come.

Team Responsibility

Parents care for their children until they are ready to start their own family. God set this principle from the beginning, before Adam and Eve even had children. Our goal is to train our children to be ready to leave us someday and be married themselves.

Genesis 2:24:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Until that time, we are to “lay up” what our children need. That’s what parents do.

2 Corinthians 12:14:
Behold, the third time I am ready to come to you; and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you: for the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children.

We help our children learn to obey us. Then they will live long and prosperous lives. That is one of the original ten commandments.

Exodus 20:12:
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Our children will be blessed by obeying us when we are “in the Lord,” walking by the spirit of Christ within us to bring them up.

Ephesians 6:1:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

The Book of Proverbs is full of insight and instruction for young people. It repeatedly encourages children to learn from the loving wisdom their parents provide.

Proverbs 1:8:
My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother.

Proverbs 23:22:
Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.

As we grow older, our children can still learn from us. My mother is 98 years old, and I value her prayers and loving encouragement. The humorist Mark Twain cleverly quipped, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” His point is that when we are teenagers, we don’t often appreciate our parents’ wisdom. But when we mature a little, we see how wise that they were all along!

“One Accord” as Parents

The early Christian church was a great example of working together as a spiritual team. After Jesus ascended to heaven, they stayed together for “team practice,” including prayer.

Acts 1:14:
These all continued with one accord [homothumadon, the same passion for] in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.

This same Greek word, homothumadon, is used throughout the Book of Acts to show the church as a mighty team for God. This same “one accord” is vital for parents as they work together in raising their children. We teach our children to obey. The apostles obeyed Jesus’ instruction and waited in the Temple on the day of Pentecost. They were united in following their Master.

Acts 2:1:
And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord [homothumadon] in one place.

More than 3,000 people were saved on that Pentecost. They stayed in Jerusalem and learn to live and work together as a team. That including eating meals together. Spending mealtimes with our children shows them how much we love and care for them.

Acts 2:46:
And they, continuing daily with one accord [homothumadon] in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart.

Prayer time is another big part of raising children in the Lord. They see our example of unity and “join the team” in prayer and mutual believing with us.

Acts 4:24:
And when they heard that, they lifted up their voice to God with one accord [homothumadon], and said, Lord, thou art God, which hast made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and all that in them is.

Working as a team to minister healing and use our God-given spiritual abilities can set our children on the path of walking by the spirit themselves. We want them to see God’s mighty power lovingly manifested in our lives. We also encourage them to fellowship with other spirit-filled believers so they can see God’s power for themselves.

Acts 5:12:
And by the hands of the apostles were many signs and wonders wrought among the people; (and they were all with one accord [homothumadon] in Solomon’s porch.

If we want our children to “give heed” to what we say, we can set a great example by following the Holy Spirit’s guidance to us. Philip got the attention of the people in Samaria.

Acts 8:6:
And the people with one accord [homothumadon] gave heed unto those things which Philip spake, hearing and seeing the miracles which he did.

The believers, especially leaders, needed to have a meeting to handle some challenges they were facing within the church. The same is true when problems arise in our families. We can sit down together and “hash things out.” Talking and listening are still in style when it comes to family unity.

Acts 15:25:
It seemed good unto us, being assembled with one accord [homothumadon], to send chosen men unto you with our beloved Barnabas and Paul.

Our goal as a family is to serve our Lord Jesus Christ and glorify God our Father. We do that as we stay in one accord and speak the truth in love.

Romans 15:6:
That ye may with one mind [homothumadon] and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Leaders’ Example of Parenting

Paul, Silas, and Timothy wrote a letter together to the believers in Thessalonica. Together, these three men set a great team example of caring for these Christians who were new to the faith. This required “raising them” in the Lord, much as we nurture and admonish our children. Here is what they wrote.

1 Thessalonians 2:7,8,10,11 [The Passion Translation]:
Even though we could have imposed upon you our demands as apostles of Christ, instead we showed you kindness and were gentle among you. We cared for you in the same way a nursing mother cares for her own children.
With a mother’s love and affectionate attachment to you, we were very happy to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our lives—because you had become so dear to us.
With God as our witness you saw how we lived among you—in holiness, in godly relationships, and without fault.
And you know how affectionately we treated each one of you, like a loving father cares for his own children.

Look at this wonderful example. It shows how important team parenting is—both the father and mother need to work together with their children. There may be times when only one parent is around, and God can cover there. But the best is to “team up” with our children. These apostles cared for these believers the same way a mother tenderly nurses her newborn baby. That’s because they had just been born again under their ministry. They also affectionately cared for these believers the way a father cares for his very own children. That includes discipline, instruction, correction—all based on God’s love that overflows from a parent’s heart.

May we work together as parents to raise wonderfully believing children who are “strong in the Lord”! Parenting as a team has blessings that include joy, peace, and a long and prosperous life. Amen!